i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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