I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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