Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
