guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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