good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
