Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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