your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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