If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
