He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
