ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
