I will die if light touches me.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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