OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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