Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
