I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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