What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
