I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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