In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
