Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
