Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
