Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
