this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
