please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
