He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
