96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
