I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
