A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
you never un-have a 4some
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
