he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
