I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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