My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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