He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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