She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You made out with two different species that night
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
