Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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