I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
