What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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