Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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