I wish my penis had an off switch
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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