i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
