So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I have feelings that need drinking.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
