he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
