If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
