I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You are a genius and a whore.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
