also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
