just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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