I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
