so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
