How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
