420 ftw
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
