someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
