Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
