I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
