when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Randomize
